The story of Tetiana Surina: depressive disorder as a struggle both from outside and inside oneself

Dress and makeup - this is how Tetiana appeared at our Zoom interview. She willingly shared her life story for all 5 (!) hours, vividly and in detail describing the cause-and-effect relationships and nuances of behavior - both her own and those around her. At first glance, you wouldn't say that this girl has been dealing with depressive disorder for years. But, firstly, this is one of the misconceptions about this mental disorder. Secondly, Tetyana has come a long way to healing and is only now beginning to see it on the horizon.

When Tetiana's mother was pregnant with her, her father left the family. The mother was left alone with the children and was experiencing severe stress about this. The girl's two older brothers also needed attention at that time. "I still think that I was stressed while still in my mother's womb. And this was why I took everything to heart as a little girl," the heroine reflects. The girl's delicate psyche, unfortunately, was further affected by physical abuse and emotional coldness from her mother.

Despite the trials of fate, Tetiana grew up obedient and studied diligently. When she was a teenager, one of her brothers died. At that time, she supported her mother: "I comforted her, although I myself was scared."

Later, Tetiana studied to be a cook. Working in her profession turned out to be physically and morally difficult for the girl, but she coped and contributed to the family budget from an early age. But at home, a tense atmosphere awaited her every evening: "There was no one to lean on. The closest person was my mother, and I was afraid of her." That's when the first serious difficulties with mental health appeared — panic attacks.

In the 2000s echoes of the Soviet era were still felt: total rejection and ignoring of the topic of mental health in society. Despite this, Tetiana gathers her courage and, through her shame, makes her way from the district therapist to the psychiatrist. In the end, she was only prescribed a course of tranquilizers with unpleasant side effects. But that was enough for a while.